Why Safety Is Key To Surrendering In Bed: A Deep Dive

Hi, beautiful people! I'm Kim Lasinger.

In this video, we're going to explore one of the most important aspects of having mind-blowing, fulfilling sex: safety. I know it might not be the sexiest topic, but trust me, creating a safe space is crucial for being able to truly let go and surrender to pleasure.

We'll start by diving into what safety really means in the context of sex, and why it's so important. I'll share some personal stories and experiences to illustrate how safety has impacted my own sex life, and why I believe it's essential for anyone who wants to explore their sexuality to its fullest potential.

Let's start by understanding what feeling safe really means. The safety level I'm referring to today is embodied safety.

Many times, we may think that we are safe, maybe even with a familiar and trusted partner, but our body still doesn't feel safe. The reason for this is rooted in our nervous system.

When we feel safe, our limbic brain is activated, allowing us to relax and experience pleasure. Conversely, when we don't feel safe, our limbic brain goes into overdrive, triggering the fight, flight, or freeze response.

Our survival system (the deepest layer in our brain) is the one that detects whether the environment is safe for us or not. So sometimes, our rational mind may understands that we are safe, while the deepest part of us is not fully convinced, creating a kind of paradox between the rational desire to let go and the protective layer that won't allow us to fully surrender and let go.

I want to share with you a personal experience thats demonstrates how safety has affected my personal sex life, and why I believe it's really vital for anyone who wants to explore their full sexual potential.

Years ago, I was in a beautiful relationship with a beloved partner.

while we were exploring my pleasure he would spend a very long time trying to pleasure me. Now, because I learned about my sexuality in movies, I learned that a "good" woman is a woman who comes quickly (a completely false idea! It takes time for women to build pleasure, and it's completely natural but back then I didn't believe that). So, in fact, a belief was formed in my nervous system that if I take my time, I'll be rejected. As much as I wanted to fully surrender and let go I couldn't, this was the paradox. On the one hand, I tried to take my time and explore, and on the other hand, my system created rigid defense that wouldn't allow me to really take my time. To change that, I needed to build safety and embody it.

Here are some practical tips and strategies for creating a safe space, whether you're with a long-term partner or a new lover.

Identifying rationally - understand whether the person you are with is safe for you, and whether the environment you are in is safe for you. You can create a space that is pleasant for you by locking the door or opening it, playing music, or anything that affects your comfort level. You can also create agreements around the encounter, for example, it's important to me that if we're being intimate, you'll call me the next day.

Communication - Honest communication is key to building a safe space. What feels good to you and what doesn't, what you want to happen and what you don't, what boundaries you have, what fantasies you have, and most importantly, feel free to stop if something feels uncomfortable.

Embodiment of confidence in your body - the most significant part is feeling safe internally, within your nervous system. Our defense system allows us to let go only when our bodies senses an inner feeling of safety. I created this video in |Hebrew to teach you how to activate your deepest sense of confidence.

Good luck!